


Dan’s move

by Rizz07



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 12:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15606030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rizz07/pseuds/Rizz07
Summary: Dan hadn’t told Max about his move to Renault and now they have to deal with the consequences.





	Dan’s move

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, this is the first story I have written in years and the first one I’m posting on here. So excuse me if my writing is a little rusty. Please note that English isn’t my first language and this isn’t beta’d so all mistakes are my own!

A little hesitant Max turned on his phone again. Knowing he had to or people would start to get worried, as it would be the second day that he wasn’t reachable. He didn’t want to though, as the reason why he turned it off in the first place hadn’t changed. Unconsciously biting his lower lip, he looked on as the cracked screen of his smartphone came back to life. Suppressing a slight gasp as he saw just how many missed calls and messages there were, with most coming from one particular person who apparently hadn’t taken the hint that his phone was off and had kept trying. Feeling slightly annoyed, he decided to ignore those and starting to read the ones from his family and friends. His lips curling up in a small smile as it become clear they all seem to understand he needed some time, but with the question to contact them when he was ready. 

He was one tap away from calling his mom, while being grateful for having such great friends, when the screen changed and the phone started vibrating before his ringtone broke the silence around him. It felt like his heart skipped a beat as he looked with big eyes at his phone. Although he should have expected it, he wasn’t ready to see the name of Dan taunting him from the screen. Wasn’t ready to hear the lies and excuses. Then just as sudden as it started, his phone stopped again. As he opened his mouth, to let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, the phone started ringing again. Suddenly angry he pressed decline a little harder then necessary. It was of no use though, as his phone almost immediately started ringing yet again. Making him realize with a heavy heart that Dan wouldn’t stop now. Not when he knew that Max phone was back on. Taking a breath he tried to calm himself, anxious of what the conversation he was about to have would bring. 

He waited until his phone stopped again, before pressing the green button with an unsteady thumb when it start ringing again like he expected. Slowly he brought the device to his ear, barely recognizing that the other side of the line was quiet too until an almost breathless ‘Max’ could be heard. The amount of emotion on just the whisper of his name unsettled him a little, but before he could even come up with a response Dan started his onslaught of words. Max let him talk, even as the words didn’t seem to register. He picked up words like “I’m sorry”, “didn’t want to”, “couldn’t”, “hurt you” and “forgive me”. Then the stream of words stopped, making Max feel like he could breath again.

‘Max, baby?’ He shut his eyes tightly as his heart clenched at how soft and uncertain yet oh so familiar those two words sounded. ‘Can you forgive me, or at least talk about it with me please?’ 

‘I don’t know how to talk to you.’ Not realizing how true the words were until they left his mouth.

The other side of the line stayed quiet for a bit. ‘I guess I can understand that.’ The words were followed by a sigh and Max was pretty sure it went combined with a hand going through dark curls. ‘But…. But could you try for me. Please Max.’ 

‘What do you want me to say?’ Honestly, what did Dan want hear him say? That he was happy with his move to Renault? That he was okay that Dan didn’t find it necessary to tell his team mate that he was not only leaving the team, but joining Renault of all teams? Or that he was okay with that instead of hearing the news from his own boyfriend he had to learn it from Christian and the media.

‘Max, I know you are hurt and pissed at me, but….’

‘No!’ Rubbing his forehead as he interrupted his boyfriend. Or was it ex-boyfriend now? He wasn’t sure. 

‘Want do you mean, no?’ It was clear his response had thrown Dan off. That he hadn’t expected an answer like that from the younger.

‘You have hurt me Dan. It’s like you ripped out my heart. And I should be so angry at you right now. Yet I’m so emotionally exhausted that I simply can’t.’

It was true. Ever since Christian himself had called him with the heads up about the announcement that Daniel was leaving the team, it was like he went on a non stop rollercoaster of emotions. All starting with Christians carefully chosen words. How his boss sounded so understanding as he was aware of their relationship, knew how much Dan meant to him. It was one of the most awkward and painful phone call of Max’s life. Listening to Christian talk while trying not to scream, cry or even let on that while the team knew, he himself, as both boyfriend and team mate, had been in the dark about all of it. 

After he had hung up the tears had started falling. He remembered curling up into a ball on the sofa he had been sitting on. Recalled the moment he knew Red Bull’s statement was published online as his phone had started going off almost non stop. Not wanting to talk to anyone he had ignored it until it had gotten on his nerves. It was then that the tears had made place for pure anger, which had reached extreme heights as he saw Dan’s name on the screen. Overtaken by anger he had thrown his phone against the opposite wall, hoping it would shut up. 

It didn’t, frustrated he had stumped over to it, to see the big cracks in the screen weren’t even enough to hide Dan’s name. Pressing the off button with more force then necessary before carelessly throwing it on the nearest table. His mind was spinning, as he tried to wrap his head around everything. 

‘God I’m so sorry Max. I never meant to. I really didn’t. I just…, FUCK!’ And Max was sure he let out so sort of started sounds at Dan’s exclamation. ‘I know I fucked up Maxy. But you have to believe me, it all happened so fast and everyone was getting ready for the summer break. You were excited to get some time off and I didn’t know how to tell you Max.’ Dan was breathing harshly as he paused. ‘I guess that in the end I used every excuse not to tell you. Not because I didn’t want you to know, but because I knew you’d be hurt by knowing it.’ 

‘And it didn’t matter to you that learning it this way would hurt me far worse, than if you told me?’ He was secretly happy with the numbness that surrounded his heart, as it made him also very calm and surprisingly clearheaded. 

‘It was selfish, so fucking selfish Max. I know that, but I didn’t want to think about it. So instead I just buried my head in the sand.’ He didn’t want to, but Max could hear the guilt in Daniel’s voice.’ I know I have no right to ask this, but could you please forgive my stupid, childish and selfish behavior?’ Desperation clear in the older man’s words.

Of course his first response was to answer, no. But he forced himself to take a moment to consider what Dan had just told him. Yes Dan had hurt him, broke his trust and what felt like his heart as well. At the same time he was aware he still loved the man very much. Could it be possible Dan really hadn’t meant to hurt him the way he did? It made him think of a convertion they recently had about being human and making mistakes after Max had realized he had used Dan again to fend his anger to after another bad race. Sure the Australian was willing to be a listening ear he needed at those times and was far more patient then Max would ever be, but that didn’t make it anymore fair or make Max feel any less guilty. Of course that situation was completely different then this, but it had made him realize everyone had flaws and made mistakes.

Sighing he rubbed his face. Even if Dan hadn’t meant to, it wasn’t something he could just forget. ‘I don’t know Dan. Maybe in time, but not right now.’ 

The line stayed quiet for a while. ‘Okay.’ Was what Daniel eventually said. ‘I guess that is already more than I deserve.’

Max nodded, not even realizing Dan wouldn’t be able to see it. ‘Can you tell me why?’ He asked. ‘I mean, I knew of course that you were unsure about what to do about next year. But with Bottas extending his contract with Mercedes and no word about Ferrari’s situation, I thought…. Well I guessed that you would stay.’ Maybe it was stupid or even selfish to just convince himself that Dan would stay if the 2 big teams had no place for him. 

‘I just couldn’t stay Max. I just couldn’t.’ Dan’s voice sounded exhausted as he told him this. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I loved being your team mate and Red Bull will always have a special place in my heart.’

Swallowing the hurt, Max found it hard to say, ‘loved?’

‘Shit, no Max. I didn’t mean it like that!’ Dan was fast to say. ‘Of course I still love you. How could I not.’

Max fell his tense shoulders relax at the words.

‘But you have to admit baby, that us being team mates isn’t as simple and fun as I used to be.’

He wanted to, but realized he couldn’t deny it was true. They had been dating for a little over a year now. At first their relationship wasn’t a problem at all. Everything was good, of course, they were still in the honeymoon phase. But then the realization slowly came that as Max season got better and better, Dan seem to have taken over his bad luck. The older getting more frustrated as time went on. Not that Max couldn’t blame him, being all to familiar with the feeling himself. Then Max signed his new contract and he knew that even though he didn’t want to be, Dan was both hurt and a little envious by it. Of course Red Bull had reassured Daniel that it didn’t mean that it didn’t mean Max would become their number one driver. That both of them would stay equal, but part of the damage was already done. 

As much as both were determined to go one like normal, trying to keep their private and racing life separated. But both knew there was a little tension between them that they silently agreed on to ignore. Then Baku happened and the tension became impossible to ignore, so much so that they both had to take a step back and give each other some space to process it. It was not that they blamed the other, both knowing they made mistakes. Racing was their passion, so they both give it their everything. It was when you went for it 200% that mistake were part of the risk. And they were aware that if the accident was just one of them with one of the other drivers it wouldn’t be such a big deal. But with them being team mates everyone just had a field day with it. They had moved on from it though, but the tension between them had become harder to ignore. 

‘It is why I couldn’t stay.’ Dan’s soft words broke him out of his thoughts. ‘I love you so, so much. But I love racing too, just like I know you do. The last thing I want is for it to become between us.’

‘Between us?’ He repeated dumbly. Not sure he was willing to admit how much Dan’s words seem to make sense to him. Because it meant him being one step closer to forgiving the Australian and that he sure as hell wasn’t about to do…., yet.

‘I don’t want to end up like Lewis and Nico. Their relationship was completely destroyed by them being team mates that both wanted to win. I don’t want to lose you, especially not like that.’ 

He wanted to ask Dan why he never said anything, but then it dawned on him he couldn’t. The older might have never spoke about it as clearly as he was now, he had mentioned and brought it up indirectly in their conversations. Why hadn’t he ever picked up on it? Or was he the one that put his head in the sand this time? As he thought about it, it didn’t seem so unlikely. Admitting that he hadn’t wanted Dan to leave the team. To leave him. 

Max swallowed as that knowledge felt like a wake up call. Feeling guilty he said, ‘I should have realized. God Dan, you tried to talk to me about it and I just did nothing. I’m sorry.’ Why had he be so ignorant, he wondered frustrated. Suddenly disappointed with himself, feeling like he had let his boyfriend down too.

‘Oh Max, we were both been big fat idiots.’ The sounds of how that was said, so sad and tired made Max feel even worse. ‘My offer still stands though.’ Dan continued a little more hopeful. 

‘Yeah?’ Max couldn’t help but smile a little as he said that. Both of them had had different plans for the summer break, but Dan had still invited Max to spend some of it with him.

‘Of course! Or we could go somewhere of your choosing if you want.’ Dan sounded downright hopeful. ‘I know we also still have a lot to talk about and I rather do that face to face.’ He continued more serious. 

Max worried his lip as he thought about it, before making up up his mind. ‘Okay. Okay, I’ll join you.’

‘Really?’ Dan exclaimed, before taking a second to calm himself and said, ‘You’re sure here is good, because like I said, we could go some place else. No problem at all. Just say the word and I’ll make it happen.’

He couldn’t help but chuckle at that. There was the Dan he knew and loved. The one he had feared he had lost. ‘It’s fine Dan.’ 

‘That’s good.’ Sounded a pleased voice over the phone line. ‘I can’t wait to see you.’

Max smiled. ‘Same here.’ He had to admit. ‘Hey Dan, I know this is still a big mess and we still have a lot to talk about and figure out. But don’t forget…’ pauzing as he had to swallow down the emotions that suddenly overcame him. ‘Don’t forget that I love you.’

‘I love you too.’ Max grinned at that and was about to say something when he heard Dan yawn.

‘Sounds like someone is tired?’ He couldn’t help but tease. Realizing as how when the conversation changed to what was normal for them, his spirit was almost instantly lifted. There was no longer a giant wait on his shoulders and the whole conversation made him feel like he could breath normally again for the first time since Christian’s phonecall.

‘Well yeah, I have been constantly trying to call you since yesterday.’ Dan said in return, but his words were also spoken with teasing undertone.

‘You could have stopped when I turned my phone off.’ Max told him, now serious again.

‘And giving up on you? On us?’ Dan asked. ‘Never!’

Max full out smiled as he heard that, warmth filled his heart. ‘Thank you for that.’

‘Always.’ He got back and the truth in it was clear. ‘I know I created this mess Max….’

Not wanting to hear it, Max interrupted. ‘We’ll talk about it that later, when I’m there, okay?’

‘Okay.’ It sounded a bit hesitant.

‘Just get some sleep Dan and I’ll go look at how fast I can get to you. Does that sound like a plan?’ He hoped is words reassured his boyfriend. He did want to talk, just not over the phone anymore.

Dan hummed in agreement.

‘Good. Now go to sleep and I’ll text you the details when I have booked a flight.

Another sound of agreement and Max suspected that the moment Dan allowed himself to relax, his exhausting had kicked in full force after a night of not sleeping.

‘Goodnight Dan.’ He almost whispered. His only response a little mumble before he hang up.

Yeah they still had a long way to go. An awful lot of things to talk about, but Max couldn’t help but feel like they would be okay again in the end. They loved each other too much to just give up without a fight.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this was probably horribly ooc, but please let me know what you think.


End file.
